At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
