I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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