Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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