i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
