i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
