Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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