Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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