can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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