I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
