her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you traded sex for a burrito?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
