In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize