Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
