I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
