I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
