As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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