Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
