margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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