did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
