I wanna bring you to show and tell
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
