so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
