i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
