No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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