Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
