Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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