I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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