we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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