is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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