every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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