I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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