That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
