I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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