i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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