We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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