listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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