thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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