This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
