It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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