this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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