i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
