I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
