After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
