a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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