maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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