She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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