I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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