I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
