He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She bit a glass in half.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
