You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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