remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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