And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
