So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
