Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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