There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
