boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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