And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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