I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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