My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
