just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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