I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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