there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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