he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
