I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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