Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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