You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
