I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
